Christopher Lindstrom

I swear I'm cool, you guys.
Email me, whatever


christopherdlindstrom@gmail.com
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Asker Anonymous Asks:
People who AREN'T excited for a Mrs Doubtfire sequel are simply tired of life, and entertainment.
christopherlindstrom christopherlindstrom Said:

If you aren’t excited for Mrs. Doubtfire 2, there’s a good chance that you died on the titanic and that you’re a boring old ghost that people can’t even see anymore because who cares you suck

The worst circle of hell is reserved for anybody feeling lukewarm about the Mrs. Doubtfire sequel.

Not to sound unreasonably paranoid or anything, but I’m like 67% sure that somebody broke into my house and stole my copy of Mrs. Dalloway and a pack of expired energy gum that I had in my desk.

I’m too full of bread to appreciate nice weather :(

I have no idea why but last night I watched the Honey Boo Boo show and they filled up a bucket with expired egg nog and then went bobbing for cold hot dogs. It had something to do with New Year’s? Later, the mom went to see a psychiatrist about her fear of mayonnaise. 

I know the show is trash and like who cares and everything and shame on me for watching it for more than 14 seconds but ever since, I feel broken. Like the last parts of myself that still yearn for others have finally been extinguished.  Why hold out hope for somebody understanding you when few people will ever try? Why even bother with decorum? Eat a waffle with your bare hand and pour the syrup straight into your mouth. Eat a waffle with your bare hand in public while not wearing a shirt. Get a tattoo of a moth. Fuck it all. There is no sky. The sun is an illusion. God doesn’t sleep under the ocean. There is a bucket of old egg nog filled with hot dogs and there are 3 girls competing to eat the hot dogs and that is all there really is. 

So I’ve been super boring lately and my blog has been super boring and blah blah blah but in two months, I will graduate college, be unemployed, lose my health insurance, and have to finally deal with a soul crushing amount of student loans. All at once!  So yeah, get excited for that.  

if you take really zoomed in pictures of my dog, he looks like a god.

oh man i really wish there was a way to eat lasagna in bed without feeling so bad for yourself :/

there are too many gardeners
gardening your garden
there are too many Dolores’
vying for your man
I mean god damn
Monday I ate a frozen pizza whole
I mean i folded the thing in my hands
without cutting it

this week
I ran out of money
so I ran out of food
so I spent Tuesday night
eating a box of fortune cookies
lost in the cupboard for years and years and eons

one fortune told me
that rivers need springs
whatever that means
I threw away the other eleven
without reading them
because you’re not allowed to have 12 fortunes at once
without throwing the cosmos into ruin
or boiling an ocean
or mixing up the dog licenses with the car licenses 
this mix up of course allowing dogs to drive dog cars
which as you know
would not be good
for anybody

I wasn’t late enough
for my three hour hell class
so I ate a Snickers 
in a printer alcove on the first floor
for another 6 minutes
and then went outside for a cigarette
and oh
my stars it’s going to be winter
forever
and like what a hilarious joke
of a planet you are