Christopher Lindstrom

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a note for employers:
as far as ya'll concerned, all writing on this little blog thing is fictional and totally not real and i'm not such a complete mess in real life like i wear pants sometimes, not basketball shorts all the time, i promise, please believe that, you gotta believe that, please!
Asker Anonymous Asks:
I love you
christopherlindstrom christopherlindstrom Said:

aw, i love you too! i hope your life is brimming with baguettes and dogs. i hope there are no bees in your town. all the best to you in 2014 and beyond!

i don’t normally post anon messages like this but i don’t get many messages so i gotta bask in them when i can. just a reminder, i’d much rather messages that i can respond to privately, preferably about nerd ropes and the possibility of you mailing some to my house. other preferred topics include: the gall of girl meets world waiting over half a season before the first shawn hunter appearance, the gall of girl meets world character farkle, existential dog fashion, the decline of peach cobbler in america, kazuo ishiguro, and decoupage.

if i had a therapist, we would spend an entire sesh talking about how i just watched this 9 times 

why do bill collectors even bother sending me mail when we all know that i bury it in various holes in my backyard and surrounding woods? could they be any more irresponsible? if you need to tell me something important, tell me in my dreams, playa.


christopherlindstrom I’ve owed you this for a while now, sorry it took so long!!!!!

My new facebook cover photo. Thanks Laura!!!

i had a dream
all my friends were taking photos with the shamwow guy
he is disconcerting, that man
his face, a permanent demon’s scowl

people keep asking me about chip flavors
i am yepping my life to dust
there are too many chip flavors
my boss told me that just because you took a shower
doesn’t mean you’re not on drugs

i have no idea how excited for halloween i should be this year
even in the movie version of my life
i am eating rice krispie treats alone
there will be no parties
there will be no need for jack sparrow
this year
autumn feels mad incorrect

are skyscrapers as cool as buildings will ever get?
sports flavored cigarillos exist
but you still can’t shoot a spider with a gun
or least we haven’t figured out a way
to shoot them yet

if you’re on a job interview and you think they just asked you what your favorite red hot chili peppers album is, don’t answer it! there’s a far better chance that they asked you something work related instead.

it dawned on me today that this whack gas station job may be the last job i have in a long time where i can quit with a big speech. i could potentially give a big speech in front of dozens of strangers. i could talk about unlivable wages or how i barely have dreams anymore or how i’m supposed to work on friggin christmas. i could pull an american flag out of my backpack and ask what do these stripes even mean? and maybe people will clap. maybe when the boss isn’t looking, carol gives me a thumbs up. maybe i tell her hey carol, you were the best. or i could jump on the counter and say bark bark woof woof this dawg’s out and then leave and never come back. maybe i hire a mariachi band to play crowded house’s ‘don’t dream it’s over’ outside the gas station for two hours until my boss comes outside and then when he does, i’m there singing the lyrics but they’re about how i quit. maybe something like hey now, hey now, your boy is peacin’. idk, the possibilities are endless.

this dog could be president one day

i went to that interview last week and it didn’t go totally bad like i didn’t throw up on the train or at the train station or in a trash barrel 2 blocks from the train station. and i got a free stress ball so i barely even need to get a job anymore which i’m probably not getting because they haven’t called me back. i got a free stress ball that i can squeeze if i’m stressed and i’ll squeeze it and probably still be stressed because stress balls aren’t pills, they are just balls filled with sand. 

i’ll try to post more soon. mental stuff has gotten in the way recently but hopefully that’s subsiding. my pool’s closed for the year and surge is still $150 on amazon. who knows.


I have an interview tomorrow for a marketing position so I have less than 24 hours to

  • find appropriate business clothes
  • make my beard less merlin-y
  • train my hands to stop involuntarily shooting gun fingers and hanging ten
  • learn a response to “do you have any weaknesses?” that isn’t just me saying “oh my god yeapppp”
  • achieve the faintest understanding of what marketing is/or find a suitable slang word for marketing like ‘markin’ or ‘keting’ so it seems like I’ve been in the biz before.

All I’ve accomplished so far is that I think there might be pants in my closet. Will investigate later.