it dawned on me today that if i lost one of my front teeth, i’d probably have to go without for like a really long time. i have no tooth money, wonky probably fake health insurance, and my dentist unfriended me on facebook so i don’t think he’s even my dentist anymore.
i would be toothless forever.
in high school, i once played ‘my heart will go on’ on a keyboard inside a radioshack to try to impress a date. like, i told her “hey, let’s go in here for a sec.” and then i played it and i had to relearn most of the intro so the whole process took like 6 minutes. i was either sweating or panicking that i might possibly be sweating and an employee was maybe telling me to stop. i’m almost certain that the first thing i’ll see when i die is that radioshack and when i see it, i’ll know there is a hell.
or a purgatory. it could’ve been a purgatory. i ate fried dough like 2 hours later that night. all’s well that ends fried dough.
bank tellers don’t like it when you eat baguettes in line. they don’t care if you’re hungry or if you’ve been struggling. they don’t care if most of the crumbs ended up on your shirt and not on the ground. they don’t even want your money.